Divorce: Understanding the Biblical Perspective on Marriage Dissolution

This is the legal dissolution of the marriage bond between a husband and wife. It represents the formal termination of a marital union, often accompanied by complex emotional, spiritual, and legal challenges. While civil law provides a framework for ending marriages, the biblical perspective emphasizes God's original design for marriage as a lifelong covenant, while also acknowledging the reality of human brokenness and the painful circumstances that can lead to marital breakdown.

God's Design for Marriage

God's ideal standard is for a married couple to be 'one flesh' in a lifelong commitment till death takes one of them, after which the remaining partner is free to remarry (Gen 2:24; 1 Cor 7:39; 1 Tim 5:14). Humanity should not separate what God has joined together (Mt 19:4-6). It is a violation of His intent for married couples – "Do not break faith with your wife. I hate divorce", yet He still loves His children who are involved (Mal 2:14-16; 1 Cor 7:10-11). Mankind has cheapened marriage and trivialised the seriousness of the relationship, which should not be entered into lightly.

Biblical Grounds for Divorce

There is only one reason for divorce explicitly mentioned in Scripture – when one partner is unfaithful by having sex with someone else (Mt 5:32, 19:9; Mk 10:11-12; Rom 7:2-3). Even then, repentance, forgiveness and restoration of the original relationship is to be sought, which in many instances results in the mending of the rift through effort and mutual willingness. However, many Bible teachers consider the abandonment of a believing spouse is "not bound" by an unbelieving partner to be another reason for divorce (1 Cor 7:15). Abuse (physical, emotional, verbal, mental, and spiritual) are often proposed as legitimate justification too. Protection of the spouse and children is essential when there is violence with separating from an abuser advised, with nothing in the Bible to forbid living apart (as distinct from formal divorce).

Don't view divorce as an easy exit

To leave your partner for someone else may be legal by civil laws but God considers it adultery, which has serious consequences (1 Cor 6:9-11; Heb 13:4).
Divorce emotionally scars both spouses, brings untold psychological damage to any children involved (especially through when there are custody conflicts), and adversely affecting the wider family structure. A bad marriage can be heart-wrenchingly painful, and it is immensely difficult to know how to bring healing and restoration, yet divorce is always a tragedy with many lasting ramifications, even if it occurs for biblical reasons.

Strengthening Your Marriage

Pray daily for guidance and protection for your spouse taking measures to protect them from falling into immorality with someone else. As great marriages don't just happen, there must be ongoing commitment and strengthening of this the greatest human relationship between two people who are attracted to each other. As divorce is the result of a lack of 'relational oneness' (a drifting apart) be as courteous, attentive and loving as when you were when courting. Set aside times to be together as a couple, without the children, to talk over and resolve issues that have been causing conflict, or just have regular quality time together. Divorce is not to be regarded as an escape route when difficulties arise, the relationship seems dead, or someone new takes your eye. Rekindle the fire of love that drew you together in the first place and be a fantastic lover!

Strengthen, rather than destroy your marriage

Every close relationship, particularly marriage, has its times of stress and hurts. Love, although it is an emotion, must also involve the will – a conscious decision to act and react in a Godly manner, not dictated to by the old carnal nature. Don't see divorce as a way out of what has taken a long time and much past effort to establish. Seek help from your pastor, or mature friends if required.

To rebuild one's life after divorce: learn from the failure of the relationship how you can grow and be a changed person; accept God's forgiveness – guilt follows every failure we experience in life. God promises to forgive us when we repent (1 Jn 1:9); be prepared to trust other people after the deep hurts of rejection – healing will come; hand your bitterness and anger to God, redirect the emotional energy into rebuilding your life rather than destructive outlets; rebuild your support system of friends – this will need considerable effort to re-establish.

Divorce and Remarriage

The question of remarriage after divorce is one that requires careful biblical consideration. Jesus taught that anyone who divorces their spouse, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery (Mt 19:9). This suggests that when divorce occurs for reasons other than sexual infidelity, remarriage may not be aligned with God's intention. However, when a divorce occurs on biblical grounds, such as sexual immorality or abandonment by an unbelieving spouse, the innocent party may be considered free to remarry (1 Cor 7:15). Those who have divorced and remarried before coming to faith should focus on God's forgiveness and move forward in their current marriage with His blessing.

Seek God's wisdom on remarriage

Blended Families

Blended families, formed through remarriage after divorce or death, present unique challenges and opportunities. Step-parenting requires patience, grace, and intentional effort to build trust with stepchildren who may still be processing the pain of their parents' separation. Biblical principles of love, respect, and mutual submission (Eph 5:21-6:4) provide a foundation for healthy blended family dynamics. Open communication, realistic expectations, and a commitment to putting others' needs before one's own are essential. The church community can offer vital support through understanding, prayer, and practical assistance to families navigating this complex journey.

Building trust in blended families

Holding Office in Church

The question of whether divorced individuals may hold leadership positions in the church is often debated. Some churches interpret the qualifications for elders and deacons (1 Tim 3:2,12; Titus 1:6) as requiring a history of marital faithfulness, which may exclude those who have divorced. Others emphasize God's grace, forgiveness, and the transformative power of the Gospel, believing that those who have experienced divorce can still serve effectively in leadership if they have repented, been restored, and demonstrate spiritual maturity. Ultimately, each local church must prayerfully consider this matter, recognising that all leaders are fallen sinners saved by grace and that marital history is one factor among many in assessing spiritual fitness for ministry.

Grace and restoration in leadership

Reflection and Application:

Pray for your marriage and your spouse daily, asking God for protection against temptation.
Evaluate your commitment to strengthening your marriage through intentional effort and quality time together.
Seek wise counsel from mature Christians or pastoral leaders if you are experiencing marital difficulties.
Consider how you can support and encourage others who may be navigating marital challenges or the aftermath of divorce.