Christian Courtship: A God-Honouring Approach to Relationships

In the Christian context, courtship represents a sacred and intentional journey in the developing relationship between a man and woman as they increasingly discover the character of the other person and seek to determine if it is God's will for them to marry. This approach is rooted in a deep desire to honour Him above all else and seek the highest good for one another.

The Foundation of God-Centered Courtship

Love for God should remain paramount above all else, including our selfish and often warped human desires (Mt 10:37, 22:37). The couple is not 'trying each other out' but rather courting their brother or sister in Christ with the prospect of a godly marriage. This approach aligns with Paul's instruction in 1 Timothy 5:1-2, where he urges believers to treat older women as mothers, younger women as sisters, older men as fathers, and younger men as brothers, with absolute purity. This biblical framework establishes a foundation of familial respect and honor within courtship relationships, recognizing that we are all members of God's family. This fundamental distinction transforms the relationship from a casual exploration into a spiritual journey of mutual edification and respect.

Courting is to be done in the way approved by God

If the courtship does not lead to marriage, the couple can walk away from the relationship without emotional baggage, having been spiritually edified and respectful of one another as followers of Christ. This outcome demonstrates that success in courtship is not measured solely by marriage, but by faithfulness to God's process and timing.

Purity and Commitment in Courtship

Genuine love and respect for the other person is prepared to wait for sexual intimacy until after the wedding, as premarital sex defiles our bodies and is a sin against God (Rom 12:10; 1 Cor 6:9,18; 2 Tim 2:22). This commitment to purity reflects an understanding that true intimacy is a gift from God to be enjoyed within the covenant of marriage.

Hence, commitment and purity should govern the relationship, as both individuals voluntarily put themselves in accountability to mature and discerning people who can help guide them through this significant time. Having established boundaries and avoiding compromising situations assists vulnerable lovers so there will not be even a hint of sexual immorality, which is improper for Christians (Eph 5:3).

A believer should commit their future and possible marriage to God, inviting Him to be actively involved as they develop their character and relationship with God, ensuring they do not marry an unbeliever (2 Cor 6:14-15). This spiritual foundation provides the wisdom and guidance necessary for navigating the complexities of a romantic relationship while maintaining one's primary allegiance to Christ.

Distinguishing Courtship from Dating

Courtship differs fundamentally from dating, which is a casual pairing off with a member of the opposite sex in a social setting, often resulting in multiple changes of partners as the focus is on the individual's wants rather than the highest good of the other. Dating typically prioritizes personal gratification and emotional satisfaction, while courtship seeks God's direction and the other person's spiritual well-being.

The world's way of connection follows the pattern of body, soul, and spirit—physical attraction first, then emotional connection, and perhaps spiritual consideration last. This worldly approach places physical intimacy and romantic feelings at the forefront, often leading to relationships built on shifting sands of emotion and temporary pleasure. In contrast, God's ideal way places spiritual connection as the foundation, before any physical or emotional attachment. When two believers first recognize their shared faith and commitment to Christ, they establish a bond that transcends mere physical attraction or emotional infatuation. This spiritual foundation ensures that any subsequent emotional and physical aspects of the relationship are built upon the solid rock of shared faith and mutual devotion to God. Scripture reminds us that "what fellowship has light with darkness?" (2 Cor 6:14), emphasizing that spiritual compatibility must precede and govern all other aspects of the relationship.

Courtship waits for God's best instead of throwing oneself randomly and intimately at anyone in sight. This patient approach demonstrates trust in God's sovereignty and timing, recognizing that He knows what is best for each person's life and relationship journey.

If during the courtship one or both parties realize that marriage to the other is not God's will and the relationship ends, it is not a failure – rather it is successful because God's guidance was sought and direction acted upon. While the terminating of the courtship will be painful, continue to trust in God's amazing love and accept the grace He gives to deal with the disappointment and unfulfilled hopes.

Live with integrity at all times

Reflection and Application:

How does your current or potential romantic relationships align with God's principles for courtship?
What boundaries have you established to maintain purity and honour God in your relationships?
Are you seeking accountability from mature believers who can guide you in your relationship journey?
How can you demonstrate genuine love and respect while waiting for God's timing in relationships?