Virgin: Living in Purity Before Marriage

In the Bible, virginity is more than a physical state – it speaks of purity, faithfulness and self-control, and points beyond the body to the condition of the heart before God. This article explores what Scripture says about virginity, how purity can be guarded in practice, and the examples of those who lived it well.

What the Bible Means by Virginity

In the human context, virginity refers to never having had sexual intercourse. Although this applies to both men and women, it is most often used of a woman who has never been 'touched' by a man. Once virginity is lost it cannot be regained, which is why Scripture treats it as something precious to be guarded rather than casually surrendered.

God approves of sex within marriage (Heb 13:4), but all who indulge in sexual immorality outside of marriage will be judged. One of the best safeguards for the health of your marriage is being able to truthfully say to your spouse on your wedding day, 'I have never slept with anyone – I have kept myself for you'. Statistics show that those who have sexual relationships before being legally married will face a greater risk of their marriage ending in divorce.

Postponing sexual involvement until after marriage involves character qualities such as self-control, respect for the other's long-term good and, most importantly, obedience to God's ways. Real love waits – nothing is lost by patience. Becoming 'one flesh' as God intended is a process. In our society the engagement period is designed for this – getting to know another person mentally and spiritually to the point of making a public commitment, witnessed in marriage, before the physical consummation.

Maintain purity in heart and body

The Bible teaches that unmarried people can be more devoted to God because they have a single focus (1 Cor 7:8,32-34). Jesus said, "Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God" (Mt 5:8). Those who have maintained or regained holiness as an inner quality are extremely favoured; this is achieved by the self-discipline of guarding the heart from all pollution and walking in close relationship with the Lord (Prov 4:23).

Guarding Your Purity: Practical Steps

Before temptation ever arrives, settle the matter in your heart that you will refrain from sex until you are legally married. As a wise precaution to keep you pure, it is advisable to have company (a third party) so you are not alone in private settings, where you could compromise your morals. Watch your circumstances as carefully as your resolves: the dangers of alcohol, late nights alone together and escalating physical affection have undone many good intentions, because people who are less inhibited take liberties that may be regretted later.

Set boundaries before temptation comes

Refuse to let the God-given power of sexual desire dictate your actions; it should be under your control at all times. Listen to the inner conviction of conscience – God's built-in moral alarm – and act on it quickly, before the warning fades. Don't yield to peer pressure, society's crumbling standards or the out-of-control sexual advances and desires of another – many people are deeply scarred emotionally by the inappropriate actions of someone taking advantage of them in so-called 'love', which is actually lust. If, prior to marriage, you have lost your virginity, as is common in today's promiscuous society, begin to obey God's directives by refraining from further sex until you are married.

Biblical Examples of Purity

Joseph shows purity under pressure. When Potiphar's wife repeatedly tried to seduce him, day after day, he refused her and kept his distance, and when she finally trapped him alone, he fled the situation, even leaving his cloak behind rather than linger, determined not to sin against God. His conscience asked the deciding question: 'How then could I do such a wicked thing and sin against God?' (Gen 39:7-12).

Learn from faithful examples of purity

Mary shows purity as a way of life. She was a virgin pledged to Joseph, and her willing surrender to God's plan ('May it be to me as you have said', Lk 1:26-38) made her the mother of Jesus (Mt 1:18-25). Her purity was not a single dramatic act but an ongoing posture of humility, faithfulness and availability to God. The Old Testament law also guarded virginity seriously, treating it as a matter of covenant faithfulness and requiring evidence of it in marriage disputes (Deut 22:13-21).

The church shows purity as a collective calling. Paul longed to present believers 'as a pure virgin to Christ' (2 Cor 11:2), guarding the whole congregation from corruption as carefully as an individual guards their own body. Revelation pictures the faithful as those who 'did not defile themselves' and follow the Lamb wherever He goes (Rev 14:4) – a reminder that purity, whether personal or shared, is ultimately about belonging wholly to Christ.

Reflection and Application

Ask God daily for the self-control to master sexual desire rather than be mastered by it.
Set practical boundaries now – avoid private settings where you would be alone, and decline alcohol when self-control could be weakened.
Share your commitment to purity with a trusted friend or mentor who will encourage you and hold you accountable.
If you have already had sex, bring the matter to God, receive His forgiveness, and start fresh by committing to abstain from sex until marriage.