Oneness: Unity in Marriage and the Body of Christ

Oneness speaks of a deep, purposeful unity between persons — most profoundly revealed in the triune God, mirrored in the covenant of marriage, and extended to the fellowship of all believers. It is not the erasure of individuality but the harmonious blending of distinct persons toward a common purpose and mutual good.

The Divine Pattern of Oneness

God Himself is comprised of three distinct persons — Father, Son and Holy Spirit — who work together in complete harmony (Jn 17:11). This divine oneness is not uniformity; each person of the Trinity retains a distinct role while sharing one will and one purpose. It is this pattern that provides the blueprint for all other expressions of oneness in the Christian life.

What degree of oneness do I have with my spouse?

Jesus prayed that all believers would be of one heart and mind, just as He and the Father are one (Jn 17:21). The unity of the Godhead is thus both the model and the source of the oneness to which the church is called — a unity grounded not in sameness but in shared life, shared cleansing, and shared devotion to Christ (Eph 4:3-6; 1 Jn 1:7).

Oneness in Marriage

The same concept of oneness is applicable to marriage, where two people become "one flesh" (Gen 2:24). Yet oneness in marriage is far more than physical union; it requires a unity of hearts and purpose between husband and wife. The individuality of each is not overridden or destroyed — rather, the common focus works for the overall good, helping both partners to develop into all they can be without destructive undercurrents of resentment, personal agendas or other divisive tactics.

Leave and cleave — the foundation of marital unity

As a man and his wife are one, loving their partner is in effect loving themselves (Eph 5:28-30). Ongoing love and respect bolster self-esteem and stability. Although there will be times of differing opinions, through submission, tolerance, "speaking the truth in love," and forgoing one's own preferences and desires, both partners can be moulded together into a unified, powerful force able to accomplish more than they could individually (Deut 32:30; Eph 4:15).

Becoming one in marriage involves a "leaving" of parents and a "cleaving" to one's spouse (Gen 2:24). Parents are still to be honoured and respected, but the married couple begins another nucleus of close commitment, love, trust and responsibility for the other's welfare. Ideally this bond should only be broken by the death of one party rather than separation and divorce (Mt 19:6; Rom 7:2-3). Soul ties — inappropriate close relationships with thoughts of fantasy — and previous sexual experiences must be repented of, and deliverance may need to be undertaken, as God views sexual intercourse seriously, having designed it to be reserved for marriage because of the bonding that takes place during intimacy (1 Cor 6:13-18).

Prior to marriage there should be a frank and honest discussion between the couple about their hopes, desires and values so there can be a real, meaningful intertwining of two into one, and God's blessing can be expected (Ps 133:1,3). In the marriage itself both partners should have input, with joint decisions made especially in the major and long-reaching areas.

Oneness in the Church and Beyond

The Bible declares that as Christians we are part of the body of Christ and should be vitally concerned about our fellow believers, in a similar way that Christ cares for the church (Eph 5:23-32). We need to keep majoring on our oneness in Christ, and not allow minor differences of belief to destroy the unity we have through being cleansed by the same precious blood (Eph 4:3-6; 1 Jn 1:7). Focus on what is held in common, not on the differences that divide.

Focus on what is in common, not the differences

Marriage, as the building block of society, is particularly the focus of Satan's attention. He tries to cause conflict and division through stress, each partner wanting their own rights and doing their own thing, with ensuing power struggles — because "a house divided against itself cannot remain firm" (Mk 3:25). This principle extends to every sphere of human interaction: whether in marriage, the workplace, the church or friendship, so much more can be accomplished when there is a pulling in the same direction rather than a tug-of-war.

Any negativism or destructive wedges need dealing with quickly, yet allowing differing opinions to be heard and considered. This is not to say differences are ignored, but when appropriate they are addressed with the desire to reach common ground, although there will be compromise and trade-off. Misunderstanding can also erode oneness, and should be resolved promptly through honest and open communication. Sometimes there must be an agreement to disagree on a topic while the relationship remains firm; occasionally there needs to be a severance, as in the case of gross sin.

Reflection and Application:

In what areas of your marriage or closest relationships do you sense division rather than oneness — and what step could you take to restore unity?
Are there soul ties or past attachments that need to be repented of and released so that true oneness can flourish?
How might your church community be different if believers consistently majoring on what unites them in Christ?
Consider a current disagreement — is there a way to "speak the truth in love" while preserving the bond of oneness?