Understanding Estrangement: From Broken Relationships to Reconciliation

Estrangement is the painful loss of former affection and fellowship that was once shared between individuals. It represents a profound breakdown in relationship that can occur between people and with God, yet hope for reconciliation remains possible through humility, forgiveness, and faith.

Estrangement in Human Relationships

Estrangement involves drifting apart from those with whom we once shared close bonds. The prime example is that of Adam and Eve, who when they sinned became estranged from God (Gen 3:8-11). Because "your sins have separated you from God" mankind has been in a broken relationship with Him ever since, yet God has been consistently pursuing reconciliation (Isa 59:2; 2 Cor 5:19). Rebellion against His commands (sin) creates this estrangement from Him with no hope of forgiveness of sin and eternal life (Isa 53:6; Jn 3:19-20; Rom 6:23). The story of the prodigal son illustrates estrangement and reconciliation (Lk 15:11-32). Yet when we, like the head-strong son come to our senses, humble ourselves, and confess our sin to God He promises to forgive with the separation ending and reconciliation beginning (Jn 3:16-18, 14:6; Act 2:38, 3:19; Rom 10:12-13). The death and resurrection of Jesus Christ put an end to the estrangement for all who come to Him in faith (Jn 1:12).

Even in marriages, sometimes there comes an increasing separation between those who were once close. While there may be an outward appearance of "togetherness" the inner heart attitude towards either God or man is the opposite (Mt 15:8). Honest communication and connection must be reestablished and maintained in humility with those we love, for "Can two walk together unless they agree to do so?" (Amos 3:3).

Don't let estrangement from God or your family blight your life

Causes and Consequences of Family Estrangement

Most often these rifts are between young people and their parents or siblings. Rebellious teenagers become estranged from their parents through unresolved tensions and differing goals and refuse to be disciplined or guided. The root issue is real or perceived breaches in trust and some form of emotional wound experienced through wrong actions and hurtful words.

If I am alienated from someone, what steps am I taking to reverse it?

Someone's feelings got hurt and their pride would not let them resolve the dispute, recover, forgive, and heal. When loving and trusting relationships are severely damaged by one or more incidents that cause significant hurt and anger, it often leads to separation. In such cases, the departing party may not desire or hope for reconciliation.

Finding Hope and Healing Through Estrangement

Estrangements are painful. Numerous families remain divided due to significant disputes that now appear minor in comparison to the ongoing devastation and suffering. Let this estrangement and brokenness inspire personal growth rather than bitterness. Allow these challenges to cultivate perseverance, character, and hope within you as you address the matter through prayer (Rom 5:3-5). Sometimes an independent negotiator can bring about reconciliation by helping to bring clarity and commonsense to the impasse.

Forgiveness plays a central role in healing estranged relationships. True forgiveness does not mean excusing harmful behavior or forgetting the pain caused, but rather releasing the burden of resentment and choosing to move forward. As Scripture teaches, "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you" (Eph 4:32). This divine model of forgiveness provides the foundation for human reconciliation.

The process of forgiveness often begins with acknowledging the hurt and choosing to release the desire for revenge or punishment. It requires humility from both parties - the offender must genuinely repent and seek forgiveness, while the offended must be willing to extend grace. This mutual vulnerability creates the possibility for authentic healing and restored relationship (Mt 18:21-22; Lk 17:3-4).

However, forgiveness does not always lead to full reconciliation. While we are called to forgive, wisdom may dictate maintaining healthy boundaries to prevent further harm. Some relationships may be restored to their former closeness, while others may find a new, more limited but peaceful coexistence. The goal is not necessarily to return to what was, but to find a path forward that honors both truth and grace.

For those in such hurtful situations, offering compassion and support without giving opinions is appropriate. Listening with empathy, praying for all parties involved, and encouraging professional help when needed can provide valuable support during these difficult seasons.

Reflection and Application:

Reflect on any relationships in your life that may be experiencing estrangement.
Consider whether pride or unresolved hurt is preventing reconciliation.
Examine your own heart attitude towards God and others.
Pray for humility and wisdom in addressing broken relationships.