Engagement: The Sacred Journey from Friendship to Marriage

Engagement represents a beautiful and significant milestone in the journey of romantic relationship – a deliberate transition from friendship and courtship toward the lifelong covenant of marriage, marked by intention, commitment, and spiritual preparation.

The Purpose of Engagement

After a season of male/female friendship, there traditionally comes a time when the growing relationship is formally recognized, indicating the intention of marriage in the future. This moment marks a significant shift from casual dating to intentional preparation for lifelong commitment. The man typically initiates this step with the question 'Will you marry me?', and upon receiving a 'Yes' response, presents an engagement ring to his beloved as a symbol of his promise and devotion.

The engagement period serves as a sacred season of deeper discovery, where the couple learns to know each other more intimately in the realms of spirit and soul, prior to entering into marriage with its physical union. This time of intentional preparation allows them to explore their shared values, life goals, spiritual beliefs, and practical considerations for building a life together. It is a season for honest conversation, seeking wisdom from mentors and family members, and laying a strong foundation for the marriage ahead.

God's Design for Purity

God's ideal is to wait until after the wedding to enter into a sexual relationship, honouring the gift of physical intimacy within the protection and commitment of the marriage covenant. This approach stands in contrast to the world's 'living together' model, which often bypasses the discipline of self-control and the building of a strong emotional and spiritual foundation before physical union. When couples choose to wait, they demonstrate trust in God's timing and His design for relationships.

Pursuing purity during engagement requires intentionality, clear boundaries, accountability, and mutual respect. It involves making choices that honour God and each other, even when those choices require sacrifice or go against cultural norms. The discipline developed during this season strengthens character and deepens the emotional and spiritual bonds between the couple, creating a more resilient foundation for their future marriage.

Biblical Precedent and Historical Context

In Bible times, the pre-marriage period of betrothal was considerably more binding than the engagement concept of today. Betrothal was a formal contract that could only be broken through divorce, demonstrating the serious nature of the commitment being made. Often, a dowry or bride price was agreed upon between the two families involved, signifying the value placed on the union and the responsibility of both families to support the couple.

We see this serious commitment illustrated in the story of Joseph and Mary. When Joseph discovered that Mary was pregnant, he initially believed she had violated her betrothal commitment and was considering divorcing her quietly, even though they had not yet consummated their relationship (Mt 1:18-19). This account reveals how binding betrothal was in ancient Jewish culture – it carried the weight of marriage itself, requiring a formal divorce to end the arrangement.

Reflection and Application:

How can you use your engagement period to build a strong spiritual foundation for your marriage?
What boundaries and accountability measures will help you maintain purity during this season?
In what ways are you seeking wisdom and guidance from mentors, family, and spiritual leaders?
How does understanding God's design for relationships shape your approach to engagement and marriage preparation?