Temper: Mastering a Powerful Emotion
Anger is a God-given emotion, yet when it is left unchecked it quickly turns destructive. Scripture does not tell us never to feel anger – it tells us to master it, so that it does not master us.
The Danger of an Uncontrolled Temper
When under stress our emotions can easily get out of control – feeling we are not coping, being ignored or frustrated – and the results can be disastrous. We can't determine what happens to us but we can have the control of our attitudes and reactions to these demanding situations of life.
Our responsibility is to control it
When in a temper the brain is not properly engaged, thinking is irrational, and so unwise words and actions can result (Prov 14:17). Take control of your emotions and calm down, for we should be "slow to become angry, because it doesn't bring about the righteous life that God desires" (Jas 1:19-20). God said to Cain, "Why are you angry? You must master it or it will master you" (Gen 4:6-7). Jesus said anyone who is angry with his brother is in danger of experiencing God's anger toward them (Mt 5:22). The Bible's instruction is "In your anger don't sin or let it continue to control you", resolve the issue and get rid of anger (Ps 4:4; Eph 4:26,31).
Anger That Is Righteous
When God gets angry it is the righteous response of His holy nature expressing displeasure at sin and sinners who live contrary to His standards (Ps 6:1, 7:11, 30:5, 86:15; Jnh 4:2; Nah 1:3; Mk 3:5; Heb 3:11). Human 'righteous anger' has the proper focus, the proper motivation, the proper control, the proper duration, and concludes with the proper result. However, our temper is often motivated by selfishness and directed toward other people instead of toward sin.
Jesus Himself displayed righteous anger: He cleansed the temple because the worship of God had been corrupted into a marketplace, driven by zeal for His Father's house (Mt 21:12-13; Jn 2:13-17), and He grieved and was angered by hard hearts that withheld compassion from a man in need (Mk 3:5). Notice that His anger was never uncontrolled rage – it was purposeful, measured, and always directed at restoring what sin had spoiled, never at destroying the person. Even Scripture's command to "be angry and do not sin" (Eph 4:26) acknowledges that anger itself can be legitimate; the test is what it is aimed at and where it leads.
So how can I know whether my anger is righteous or simply disguised selfishness? Righteous anger burns against injustice, cruelty, deception and anything that dishonours God – not against personal inconvenience, wounded pride or being contradicted. It seeks God's glory and the good of others, it remains under the Spirit's control rather than erupting, and it is short-lived, not nursed into resentment. If my "righteous anger" leaves me bitter, vindictive or eager for revenge, it has ceased to be righteous (Rom 12:19; Jas 1:20). The challenge is to be as angry about sin as God is – beginning with my own.
The key question is: where does the self fit into the equation?
When Anger Turns to Violence
Unchecked anger rarely stays contained – it escalates. What begins as irritation becomes harsh words, then shouting, and can end in violence: striking out physically, breaking things, or intimidating and abusing those closest to us. The Bible shows how quickly this pattern forms. Cain's unmastered anger ended in the first murder (Gen 4:5-8), and Scripture repeatedly identifies violence as the fruit of a heart ruled by rage: "hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage" belong to the works of the sinful nature (Gal 5:19-21), and "violent people deceive their companions, who let themselves be led astray into evil" (Prov 16:29). God plainly condemns it: "He who devises evil... the Lord detests the violent" (Ps 11:5).
Just as a fire can quickly spread beyond control, so can a temper
No provocation ever justifies violence. Whatever we have suffered, God calls us to overcome evil with good, leaving vengeance to Him (Rom 12:17-21) and pursuing peace even with those who wrong us (Heb 12:14). If I recognise violent tendencies in myself – losing control, throwing or striking things, frightening my family – I must treat it as sin to be confessed and forsaken, not a temperament to be excused: repent to God, put it right with those I have hurt, and take practical steps such as removing myself from the situation, slowing my response and seeking wise counsel and accountability before it happens again. If I am on the receiving end of violence, know that God sees, that His word does not excuse the abuser, and reach out for help and protection – don't suffer in silence.
Keeping Temper Under Control
What are the things that make me annoyed, cross and give rise to temper – what do I need to address? Can I develop a workable solution so I can handle these situations in a more Godly way, or maybe even take steps to prevent such events happening in the first place? It helps to look beneath the surface irritation and identify the root cause – unmet needs, pressure, hurt or fear – for once I know what really triggers my temper, I can watch for those trigger points and prepare my response in advance. "It is better to keep the temper under control than to take a city…A fool vents his anger but a wise man keeps himself under control" (Prov 15:1, 16:32, 19:11, 29:11). The Bible instructs us to "Rid yourselves of anger, rage..." (Eph 4:31; Col 3:8).
How is my anger management – what strategies do I use?
Reflection and Application
- Identify what most easily stirs my temper, and take practical steps to address or avoid it.
- Practise being "slow to become angry" – pausing before I speak or act, for "He that is slow to wrath is of great understanding: but a person who is quick-tempered acts foolishly" (Prov 14:29).
- Resolve issues promptly rather than letting anger simmer overnight.
- Ask whether my anger is concerned with sin, or simply with my own injured pride.