Living Beyond Self: Embracing Service When Personal Desires Are Not Met

Each time we experience a hurt or a hassle — when things do not go as we would like — we may feel that we are not being ministered to by others, or claim our situation is unfair: “You want something but don’t get it” (Jas 4:2). While such feelings may be valid, the crucial issue is our response to the challenges we continually face.

sighted, failing to recognise the concern or advice of others. To them, the problem lies with everyone else and their perceived lack of attention. Others habitually complain, sharing all their troubles and dragging others into their emotional burdens. When encountering such people, we must discern: is this a genuine plea for guidance, or merely a sob story seeking sympathy?

Those absorbed in their own narrow world, expecting life to revolve around them, live an unfulfilled, lonely existence — far below what is possible when one risks living vulnerably for Christ. Our supreme example, Jesus, gave up everything so we might be blessed (1 Pet 2:21). He declared, “The Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many” (Mk 10:45).

Col 3:1-4). Daily, we have countless chances to lay our lives on the altar — surrendering personal desires to serve others as we would wish to be treated, not as we have been treated (Mk 12:31; Lk 6:31). In doing so, we master our emotions rather than being mastered by them. This is the essence of praying, “Not my will, but Yours be done” (Lk 22:42).

We are not called to be doormats — allowing abuse or exploitation of our good nature. Yet, we are invited to voluntarily surrender our rights “out of reverence for Christ,” so others may be blessed and His name glorified (Eph 5:21; Phil 2:4). When life seems unfair, we can either grow bitter or allow God’s grace to shape our character, making us spiritually sweet despite adversity.

The things that don’t make sense in this life need not dictate our inner peace. We have the power to choose our response. If yielded to Christ, we can trust that difficult circumstances are His primary tools to prepare us for eternity (Rom 8:28; 1 Cor 2:9). God tailor-makes His refining process based on who we are and the unique role He has for us—“working out everything in conformity with the purpose of His will…to the praise of His glory” (Eph 1:11,12). Trust Him; do not push His hand away, or you may miss the refining and the eternal rewards that follow.

When prayers go unanswered and efforts fail, do not adopt a victim mentality — believing life is unjust or that God has forgotten you. When setbacks come, we can either give up or grow more determined to fulfill what God intends. In God’s economy, nothing is wasted when we respond rightly. Look beyond your own circumstances and reach out to others in far greater distress. Personal disappointments equip us to empathize deeply with the struggles of others.

your good, knowing He sees and will reward all done in His name (Jer 32:19; Mt 19:29; Rom 5:3-5; Rev 22:12). The testing of faith through various trials, when genuine, is of great worth (1 Pet 1:6,7). It develops character and produces the fruit of the Spirit (Gal 5:22,23; Jas 1:2-4; 2 Pet 1:5-9). Without trials that test patience, how could patience grow?

“It is easy enough to be pleasant when life goes like a song,
But the man worthwhile is the one with a smile when all goes dead wrong.”

Being overlooked or rejected tests our loyalty to God. Follow Christ’s example: when treated unjustly, He “committed Himself to Him who judges justly” (1 Pet 2:23). Satan’s aim is to separate us from God; instead, cling closer to your Master, as Job did (Job 1:8–2:10). Commit firmly to Christ’s lordship and maintain an eternal perspective (2 Cor 4:17,18).

Even those loyal to us — spouse, family, close friends — may turn away in our darkest hours, when we are emotionally drained and in need. Do not seek solace in wrong activities or confide in others where inappropriate bonds may form. David “encouraged himself in the Lord” (1 Sam 30:6), and Jesus committed His spirit to the Father when abandoned (Lk 23:46). While human support is valuable, our ultimate trust and hope must rest in Jesus — salvation is found in no other (Act 4:12).

If you fail — as we all do — do not give up. Rise again, wiser and stronger. “Better a patient person than a warrior, one with self-control than one who takes a city” (Prov 16:32; Ps 37:23,24). The good God works toward is not comfort, but conformity to Christ — shaping us to reflect His character (Rom 8:29).

• How do I typically respond when my personal desires are not met? Do I become bitter or do I seek to serve others despite my circumstances?
• In what areas of my life am I holding tightly to my rights rather than surrendering them for the blessing of others?
• When facing trials, do I trust God's sovereign purpose or do I adopt a victim mentality?
• How can I develop greater empathy for others through my own experiences of disappointment and unmet expectations?

See also: challenges, cross, discouragement, escapism, fruit (of the Spirit), give up, hassles, hurts, moods, others, outward focused, positive mental attitude, prayers (unanswered), problems, reactions, rights, self, self-pity, sense, sovereignty of God, trials, unmet needs and expectations, victim mentality, why.