Single Parenting: Raising Children Alone with God's Help
Raising children on your own is among life's most demanding callings, yet Scripture promises single parents that they need never face it alone. God's design, grace and practical wisdom speak directly to those bringing up children without a partner. He promises to be a father to the fatherless and a defender of widows, supplying the strength, encouragement and guidance needed for each new day (Ps 68:5; 2 Cor 12:9).
God's Design and Grace for Single Parents
While God's intention is for children to be raised by both a mother and a father, in this sin tainted world many parents are, for a variety of reasons, raising a child/children on his or her own. God's instructions about parenting apply equally to the single and to the married (Eph 6:4; Col 3:21). All parents should model purity, honour, and honesty before their children, which will help those children emulate that desirable behaviour. His Word also calls the wider church family to come alongside and care for such parents and children in their time of need (Jas 1:27).
Call on God's help
Despite how lonely and overwhelmed by life's challenges single parenting may be at times, those who know the Lord can take comfort in remembering that they are never alone and are instructed to cast their anxiety on the Lord because He cares for them (Mt 28:20; 1 Pet 5:7). Single parents can rest in the promise that God's grace will fill in the gaps as He helps them raise their children, being a father to the fatherless and a defender of widows and orphans (Ps 27:10, 68:5). His strength is, after all, made perfect in our weakness, so each day's demands can be met one day at a time (Mt 6:34; 2 Cor 12:9).
Raising Whole and Healthy Children
All children, but especially boys, need wise men in their lives who support, encourage, affirm, and model for them the way a man should live. While Western culture has become a fatherless realm with some disastrous consequences, fathers who invest time, converse with, provide loving guidance and fairly discipline their children are helping secure a healthy future for them. Single parents should prayerfully welcome godly men and women who can stand with them in this role. Older believers in particular are well placed to mentor and model godliness for the next generation (Titus 2:3-5).
Build a support network
Endeavour to have a healthy network of friends for support and so your child/children are not socially disadvantaged. The hurts that flow from a broken marriage—grief, rejection, betrayal and loneliness—run deep, yet the Lord draws near to the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds, gently bringing healing to the places that hurt most (Ps 34:18; 147:3). Although you feel the pain of shame, brokenness and want to isolate, there is emotional healing through interacting with genuine fellow believers, who do not rehearse the unfairness of life but together encourage each other in the Lord and build one another up in Christ and come into increasing wholeness in Him (1 Sam 30:6; Rom 1:12; 1 Thes 5:11).
Guard Your Heart and Your Words
Single parents must not allow any bitterness to give vent in criticising or belittling the children's other parent. We should all endeavour to "not let any unwholesome talk come out of our mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen" (Eph 4:29). The way a parent speaks about the other parent shapes how a child understands love, loyalty and forgiveness. Guarding your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life, will safeguard the words you speak into your children's hearts (Prov 4:23).
Watch your words
Reflection and Application:
- Cast your anxieties on the Lord daily in prayer, because He cares for you.
- Speak words that build your children up, and never belittle their other parent.
- Invite trustworthy believers into your family's life for encouragement and support.
- Trust God to fill the gaps as you faithfully play your part as a parent.