Selfishness: Living for Self Instead of for Christ

Selfishness places ‘me’ at the centre of life: my pleasure, my rights, my way. God calls us instead to live for Him and for the good of others.

The Nature of Selfishness

At the centre of ‘sin’ is ‘I’, with the blight of human nature being the obsession with ‘me, myself and I’ — being concerned only with my pleasure and a ‘how this affects me’ attitude, while ignoring the legitimate needs and rights of others or sharing our blessings with them (Lk 12:16-21).

A selfish person likes to be the focus of attention, thinking they are the only one that matters, with their way the only way, and taking the credit and recognition while not accepting responsibility for mistakes. The problem of selfish humanity is revealed by Adam and Eve’s attitude when tempted, ‘Let us have the fruit’ — there was no thought about how their decision would affect God or what He had said about eating it (Gen 3:6). The consequence of that self-centred action continues to this day, being outworked through what is termed “the works of the flesh” (Gal 5:19-21). Selfishness caused the rich young ruler to turn his back on Jesus, and to his eternal loss (Mt 19:21-22).

If God truly reigns in our lives, His interests and priorities will supersede ours. What is my reaction when I am not ministered to (paid attention), when things go wrong and I am blamed?

We are not to live for ourselves but for Him – 2 Corinthians 5:15

The Fruit of Selfishness

Selfishness is living according to the circumstances, with our emotions dictating our response — if things are going according to my liking I am happy, but if things are going wrong, I am grumpy and sad. It is the cause of much unhappiness, quarrels and numerous other relational problems (2 Tim 3:2-4). Selfish people ultimately drive their friends away, for few can long tolerate an attitude which treats life as being always about ‘me’ — conversation dominated by self, favours expected but never returned, and others valued only for what they can do for us (Prov 18:1).

Selflessness, by contrast, is the better and far happier approach. The person who puts others first finds that friendships deepen rather than dissolve, for genuine interest in others draws people in just as surely as self-interest pushes them out. Choosing to listen, to serve and to share may cost us in the moment, but it wins the trust and affection that a self-centred life can never keep (Prov 19:17; Rom 12:10).

We focus on what’s wrong and how we have been disadvantaged, yet are we as quick to give encouragement and rejoice when things go right? The Bible says people put themselves under a curse if they don’t share, so we should give to those who ask, and even look for those in need who we can help, knowing it is “more blessed to give than to receive” (Prov 11:26; Mt 5:42; 25:43-45; Act 20:35).

The Cure for Selfishness

The cure for selfishness is having a servant attitude and pursuing the well-being of others with the same intensity we pursue it for ourselves (Phil 2:3-7). Can I surrender my legitimate rights to follow Jesus, or do I selfishly hold onto them (Mt 19:29)?

Christ set the pattern: though He had every right, He made Himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, and gave Himself for others (Phil 2:5-8). As we fix our eyes on Him, self loses its grip and love takes its place.

Jesus demonstrates a better way

Reflection and Application:

Notice your first reaction this week — is it ‘how does this affect me’, or how it affects God and others?
Watch your emotions when plans go wrong or you are overlooked; hand the disappointment to God.
Look out for someone in need and give, remembering it is more blessed to give than to receive.
Surrender one legitimate right by serving someone who cannot repay you.